On Loss

One of those funny things that people say, and I have said it myself as well (and about the very person I did lose), is, “I don’t know what I would do if I lost ‘loved one’.

And it’s funny and sad and a bit maddening. Because you say this, and when you say it before it happens, you really do mean it. You don’t know what you would do.

And then it happens. That inherent moment of loss, that unavoidable phone call. You cry, you attend the viewing and cry, you attend the funeral and cry. Then when it’s all said and done, you go home.

And maybe it takes a week, maybe it takes a couple months, but at some point you realize that “what you do” doesn’t change.

You still go to work or school, you still go out with your friends, you still watch your favorite show or read your favorite books.

The only thing that’s missing is them. And it’s maddening because you’ve built yourself up for this. You expect some great change to overcome you. You expect something. But there is only gradually fading grief and you do the same old things.